- how all of women's problems start with MEN?
MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy..
I am so happy
After a bad day this is certainly a good fix!
When you have a 'I Hate My Job' day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. '
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS
When you have a 'I Hate My Job' day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. '
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS
Interesting Facts
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What ...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm...)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone !
(and God love that pig)
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What ...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm...)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone !
(and God love that pig)
LOL
Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston ), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names.
She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tannish, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!
She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in 'language' that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.
I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, thats too hard to understand
I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says...
Wazzup! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket!
Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit!
She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tannish, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!
She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in 'language' that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.
I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, thats too hard to understand
I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says...
Wazzup! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket!
Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit!
A Mother's Worst
A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Mom,:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son Jon
P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Mom,:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son Jon
P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
Knight and Dragon
Aha! To the dragon's lair! Via the baking aisle! These two make an imposing knight and dragon team. The breastplate and the dragon's scales are candy cups; the leg and arm armor is cut from aluminum pans; a folded pie tin is the hilt of the foil-clad broadsword. No need to fear the baby dragon she breathes milk and her spikes are made of sponges.
Tools and Materials
2 packs foil candy cups
1 box brass paper fasteners
1 foil roasting pan
3 foil pie pans
1 roll aluminum foil
12 kitchen sponges
Breastplate How-To
You'll need 100 silver foil candy cups; flatten and halve each. Lay a 2-foot piece of 1/2-inch-wide double-fold bias tape in a U shape.
1. Using craft glue, attach a row of half circles inside fold, leaving room for ties. Using transparent tape, add on rows of foil cups until desired size is reached.
2. Wear over gray sweatshirt, if desired.
Headband How-To
1. Glue together overlapping foil half circles; stud with brass paper fasteners.
2. Cover fastener prongs on inside with cloth tape for comfort.
3. Make a duct-tape belt (sticky sides facing) to cinch sweatshirt.
Armor How-To
1. Shape pieces from foil pans. Turn edges in; staple ribbon to corners to tie. Use mini pie pans for knees.
Dragon Spikes and Tail How-To
1. Using craft glue, line the middle of the back of a sleeper and a matching hat with gold-colored candy cups cut in quarters.
2. Cut tail shape from cardboard; insert into a leg cut from a pair of red tights. Stuff with batting; stitch closed.
3. Sew wide end to sleeper. Hot-glue more gold cups to tail. Cut sponges into wave shapes; hot-glue along spine.
Tools and Materials
2 packs foil candy cups
1 box brass paper fasteners
1 foil roasting pan
3 foil pie pans
1 roll aluminum foil
12 kitchen sponges
Breastplate How-To
You'll need 100 silver foil candy cups; flatten and halve each. Lay a 2-foot piece of 1/2-inch-wide double-fold bias tape in a U shape.
1. Using craft glue, attach a row of half circles inside fold, leaving room for ties. Using transparent tape, add on rows of foil cups until desired size is reached.
2. Wear over gray sweatshirt, if desired.
Headband How-To
1. Glue together overlapping foil half circles; stud with brass paper fasteners.
2. Cover fastener prongs on inside with cloth tape for comfort.
3. Make a duct-tape belt (sticky sides facing) to cinch sweatshirt.
Armor How-To
1. Shape pieces from foil pans. Turn edges in; staple ribbon to corners to tie. Use mini pie pans for knees.
Dragon Spikes and Tail How-To
1. Using craft glue, line the middle of the back of a sleeper and a matching hat with gold-colored candy cups cut in quarters.
2. Cut tail shape from cardboard; insert into a leg cut from a pair of red tights. Stuff with batting; stitch closed.
3. Sew wide end to sleeper. Hot-glue more gold cups to tail. Cut sponges into wave shapes; hot-glue along spine.
Cowboy
Howdy, pardner. To turn your kid into a charismatic cowboy, just rustle up some brown-paper grocery and trash-compactor bags. When you get home, snip and punch them into a fringed vest and chaps, then add paper-fastener studs and candy-cup conchos. A mop-maned horse is ready to accompany this rider on a hunt for candy.
Tools and Materials
1 pack trash-compactor bags
1 box brass paper fasteners
1 paper grocery bag
1 pack foil candy cups
1 aluminum loaf pan
1 rope-style mop head
1 pair shoelaces
Chaps How-To
1. Using our templates as a guide, draw chaps onto an upside-down trash-compactor bag. Fold up open end for cuffs. Cut out chaps.
2. Stud each leg along outer edge using a hole punch and brass paper fasteners; push fasteners through top fold of gusset only so bag will still expand.
3. Decorate some fasteners with flattened foil candy cups and thin strips of brown paper; fringe edge of each leg.
4. Punch holes through each leg at inside of knee, upper thigh, and waist; use shoelaces to tie chaps over jeans.
Vest How-To
1. Cut away sides of a medium size paper grocery bag; think of bag's bottom as the shoulders. Draw bottom portion of the vest pattern onto front of bag, and the top portion onto bag's bottom.
2. Cut front and top of bag along tracing (back of bag remains intact). Fringe bottom edge.
3. Punch holes in front and back of vest, as indicated, and insert brass fasteners.
4. Loop rubber bands between fasteners at sides and at front to hold vest closed.
Hat How-To
1. For crown of hat, punch hole in center of each long side of an aluminum loaf pan, and crease down the middle.
2. For brim, use our brim template to draw hat brim onto kraft paper. Cut out along outer edge, and cut out center.
3. Cut tabs along inside edge; tape to inside of pan. Thread shoelaces through holes in pan and knot on outside.
4. For the belt buckle: Draw an oval onto cardboard. Cut out.
5. Cover in foil, and stud with brass fasteners. Use duct tape to fasten buckle to a strip of corrugated cardboard cut across the grain, long enough to wrap around the waist.
Tools and Materials
1 pack trash-compactor bags
1 box brass paper fasteners
1 paper grocery bag
1 pack foil candy cups
1 aluminum loaf pan
1 rope-style mop head
1 pair shoelaces
Chaps How-To
1. Using our templates as a guide, draw chaps onto an upside-down trash-compactor bag. Fold up open end for cuffs. Cut out chaps.
2. Stud each leg along outer edge using a hole punch and brass paper fasteners; push fasteners through top fold of gusset only so bag will still expand.
3. Decorate some fasteners with flattened foil candy cups and thin strips of brown paper; fringe edge of each leg.
4. Punch holes through each leg at inside of knee, upper thigh, and waist; use shoelaces to tie chaps over jeans.
Vest How-To
1. Cut away sides of a medium size paper grocery bag; think of bag's bottom as the shoulders. Draw bottom portion of the vest pattern onto front of bag, and the top portion onto bag's bottom.
2. Cut front and top of bag along tracing (back of bag remains intact). Fringe bottom edge.
3. Punch holes in front and back of vest, as indicated, and insert brass fasteners.
4. Loop rubber bands between fasteners at sides and at front to hold vest closed.
Hat How-To
1. For crown of hat, punch hole in center of each long side of an aluminum loaf pan, and crease down the middle.
2. For brim, use our brim template to draw hat brim onto kraft paper. Cut out along outer edge, and cut out center.
3. Cut tabs along inside edge; tape to inside of pan. Thread shoelaces through holes in pan and knot on outside.
4. For the belt buckle: Draw an oval onto cardboard. Cut out.
5. Cover in foil, and stud with brass fasteners. Use duct tape to fasten buckle to a strip of corrugated cardboard cut across the grain, long enough to wrap around the waist.
Cheerleader
Hip, hip, hooray! The crowd will go wild for this cheerleader and her very cheer-full ensemble. The pleated skirt is made from strips of yellow sponge cloths and blue tape; the pom-poms, from checkered mop heads. Bright shoelaces, dot stickers, and a paper-star cutout deserve extra applause.
Tools and Materials
2 fabric mop heads
2 packs sponge cloths
1 roll packing tape
1 pack dot stickers
1 pair shoelaces
Pom-Poms How-To
1. Fold two 12-inch lengths of 2-inch-wide packing tape in half lengthwise, and affix to plastic top of fabric-style mop heads by wrapping ends with more tape.
Skirt How-To
1. Trim two 15-by-14-inch sheets of sponge cloths so they're each 10 inches long. On underside of one cloth, draw an evenly tapered strip that's 2 1/2 inches wide at one end and 3 inches wide at the other; cut out.
2. Use this strip as a template, and continue making strips, alternating between the 2 1/2- and 3-inch ends to maximize cloth (the 2 1/2- inch ends will form the top of the skirt).
3. Starting at the 2 1/2-inch end of a strip, use a hot-glue gun to apply a line of glue about 3 inches down one side; overlap the glued portion with another strip. Repeat with remaining strips.
4. Cut a piece of double-fold bias or packing tape to the size of the glued strips, plus 12 inches on each side for ties. Fold tape in half over top, and glue.
5. Cut out a star from colored construction paper, and affix to a white shirt with double-sided tape. Decorate sneakers with colorful shoelaces and dot stickers.
Tools and Materials
2 fabric mop heads
2 packs sponge cloths
1 roll packing tape
1 pack dot stickers
1 pair shoelaces
Pom-Poms How-To
1. Fold two 12-inch lengths of 2-inch-wide packing tape in half lengthwise, and affix to plastic top of fabric-style mop heads by wrapping ends with more tape.
Skirt How-To
1. Trim two 15-by-14-inch sheets of sponge cloths so they're each 10 inches long. On underside of one cloth, draw an evenly tapered strip that's 2 1/2 inches wide at one end and 3 inches wide at the other; cut out.
2. Use this strip as a template, and continue making strips, alternating between the 2 1/2- and 3-inch ends to maximize cloth (the 2 1/2- inch ends will form the top of the skirt).
3. Starting at the 2 1/2-inch end of a strip, use a hot-glue gun to apply a line of glue about 3 inches down one side; overlap the glued portion with another strip. Repeat with remaining strips.
4. Cut a piece of double-fold bias or packing tape to the size of the glued strips, plus 12 inches on each side for ties. Fold tape in half over top, and glue.
5. Cut out a star from colored construction paper, and affix to a white shirt with double-sided tape. Decorate sneakers with colorful shoelaces and dot stickers.
Dress Up Box
From the moment 2-year-olds first slide they're tiny feet into grown-ups' shoes, their stepping into the magical world of pretend. Experts will say they're learning another person's point of view, but to your little grown-up, it's simply about having fun. You can help your kids enjoy the adventure even more by setting up a well-stocked dress-up box.
Stocking the Box
The best places to get clothes for a dress-up box are the closets of grown-ups. If you don't have much to cull from your own closet, put the word out to family and friends. Or visit thrift stores, yard sales, and discount stores, which can provide a wealth of inexpensive selections. The items should strike a balance between ones that have specific uses, such as a football helmet, and those that can have many, such as a scarf. Be sure to add plenty of accessories, and choose a wide array of styles. A great way to expand your child's options is to occasionally swap some of the box's contents with a friend's. There is one item you'll want to include even though it doesn't fit in the box: a big mirror.
Hats and Headgear
Toddlers won't mind large hats that slide around, but as kids get older, you may want to add toy hats that fit better. Wigs create lots of new looks, and their quality doesn't matter. A tiara is a wonderful addition for a girl; with a scrap piece of tulle, it becomes a bridal veil. Don't forget headbands, which can be worn in a wide variety of ways.
Shoes and Boots
Too-big shoes are most popular in the earliest stages of dress-up. Boots stay on better than shoes, so they might get more use. Rain boots are suitable for equestrians and firefighters; cowboy boots complete the outfit of a rancher or a rodeo star. Girls love heels, but you should stick with shoes that have low ones to avoid a twisted ankle.
Garments
Short dresses and bathrobes, as well as half-slips, are great choices since they become floor-length on a child. Bridesmaid dresses are favorites with girls. Men's suit jackets can have many uses. Suit vests come in interesting textures and patterns; down or camouflage vests are good to toss in too. To make grown-up clothes easier for kids to wear, just do a few simple adjustments: Trim straps and stitch them back together so they won't fall down, shorten long dresses by cutting them with pinking shears for a quick fix, shrink suit jackets in the washer and dryer, and replace buttons and ties with Velcro. Children are not very picky, so your makeshift tailoring job doesn't need to be perfect.
Props
Start with purses and wallets, and include play money, date books, and keys on a ring. As kids begin to experiment with different roles, add such props as a magnifying glass, stethoscope, cane,menu, receipt pad, telephone, and microphone. Provide items that children can be creative with. A chopstick may become a fairy's wand, a conductor's baton, or a teacher's pointer; a wrapping-paper tube makes a fine sword for a knight or a scepter for a king.
Accessories
Young kids will happily pile on necklaces and other baubles. For safety reasons, toys should be substituted for certain items, such as badges with pins, and small objects should be avoided with young children. Choose costume jewelry, and try to find clip earrings. Boas, shawls, and ties are musts. Sunglasses should be on the glamorous side; turn a pair into fancy eyeglasses by removing the lenses. Select different kinds of gloves -- some dressy, but also work gloves or rubber gloves. Belts can go around the waist (get them to fit by cutting in half and stitching back together). Scarves offer special versatility; a sheer square can make kids "invisible".
Costumes and Uniforms
Check with dance studios for used costumes. Old store-bought Halloween costumes might inspire your child to be a superhero or a fairy princess. For uniforms, ask local businesses for their old ones -- a little mechanic will appreciate a work shirt with authentic oil stains. Thrift stores may have uniforms or scouts' shirts, which are fitting for a police officer.
Stocking the Box
The best places to get clothes for a dress-up box are the closets of grown-ups. If you don't have much to cull from your own closet, put the word out to family and friends. Or visit thrift stores, yard sales, and discount stores, which can provide a wealth of inexpensive selections. The items should strike a balance between ones that have specific uses, such as a football helmet, and those that can have many, such as a scarf. Be sure to add plenty of accessories, and choose a wide array of styles. A great way to expand your child's options is to occasionally swap some of the box's contents with a friend's. There is one item you'll want to include even though it doesn't fit in the box: a big mirror.
Hats and Headgear
Toddlers won't mind large hats that slide around, but as kids get older, you may want to add toy hats that fit better. Wigs create lots of new looks, and their quality doesn't matter. A tiara is a wonderful addition for a girl; with a scrap piece of tulle, it becomes a bridal veil. Don't forget headbands, which can be worn in a wide variety of ways.
Shoes and Boots
Too-big shoes are most popular in the earliest stages of dress-up. Boots stay on better than shoes, so they might get more use. Rain boots are suitable for equestrians and firefighters; cowboy boots complete the outfit of a rancher or a rodeo star. Girls love heels, but you should stick with shoes that have low ones to avoid a twisted ankle.
Garments
Short dresses and bathrobes, as well as half-slips, are great choices since they become floor-length on a child. Bridesmaid dresses are favorites with girls. Men's suit jackets can have many uses. Suit vests come in interesting textures and patterns; down or camouflage vests are good to toss in too. To make grown-up clothes easier for kids to wear, just do a few simple adjustments: Trim straps and stitch them back together so they won't fall down, shorten long dresses by cutting them with pinking shears for a quick fix, shrink suit jackets in the washer and dryer, and replace buttons and ties with Velcro. Children are not very picky, so your makeshift tailoring job doesn't need to be perfect.
Props
Start with purses and wallets, and include play money, date books, and keys on a ring. As kids begin to experiment with different roles, add such props as a magnifying glass, stethoscope, cane,menu, receipt pad, telephone, and microphone. Provide items that children can be creative with. A chopstick may become a fairy's wand, a conductor's baton, or a teacher's pointer; a wrapping-paper tube makes a fine sword for a knight or a scepter for a king.
Accessories
Young kids will happily pile on necklaces and other baubles. For safety reasons, toys should be substituted for certain items, such as badges with pins, and small objects should be avoided with young children. Choose costume jewelry, and try to find clip earrings. Boas, shawls, and ties are musts. Sunglasses should be on the glamorous side; turn a pair into fancy eyeglasses by removing the lenses. Select different kinds of gloves -- some dressy, but also work gloves or rubber gloves. Belts can go around the waist (get them to fit by cutting in half and stitching back together). Scarves offer special versatility; a sheer square can make kids "invisible".
Costumes and Uniforms
Check with dance studios for used costumes. Old store-bought Halloween costumes might inspire your child to be a superhero or a fairy princess. For uniforms, ask local businesses for their old ones -- a little mechanic will appreciate a work shirt with authentic oil stains. Thrift stores may have uniforms or scouts' shirts, which are fitting for a police officer.
Home Security Checklist
I go through these phases of wanting to be the best prepared for anything: Zombie Attack, Plague, WWZ, Etc - occasionaly posts like this help me to focus.
Here are tips for safeguarding your property and possessions. Print and use this checklist, and your home may be the safest on your block.
Exterior Doors
1. Install strong doors that are either solid wood or metal-clad, rather than hollow-core units, which are designed for interior use and can give way under a powerful shoulder blow or kick.
2. Reinforce glass insets in doors -- and in the windows that often surround a front entry -- with security glazing. This durable plastic, which is applied to the window, prevents trespassers from breaking through the glass and opening the door from the inside.
3. Choose doors with hinges that face indoors. Otherwise, an intruder might be able to pop out the pins and lift the entire door off its frame.
4. Select wide-angle viewers for new doors; one should be positioned at normal height and one at a lower level for children and people in wheelchairs. You can hire a contractor to retrofit these viewers to an existing door.
5. Supplement standard locks on sliding glass doors with key-operated locking devices. These mechanisms secure the bottom of the door to its frame. For good measure, also keep a dowel in the lower track to prevent the door from being forced open. Note: Sliding glass doors that have been fortified must not be designated as fire exits, because the extra security measures could potentially slow fleeing family members.
Lighting
1. Ensure that driveways, pathways, and entry points throughout your property have adequate lighting; avoid overly bright fixtures, however, since they create deep shadows in the yard.
2. Use motion sensors. In addition to lighting the property safely for welcome visitors, they will help scare away potential intruders.
3. Illuminate address numbers so police and emergency crews can quickly find your house. To guarantee maximum visibility, choose numbers that are 4 to 6 inches tall, and mount them in a well-lit and logical place, such as beside the front door.
Locks
1. Secure all doors and windows every time you leave the house, even if you intend to be out for only a few minutes.
2. Never rely solely on the key-operated knobs that come standard on entry doors. Reinforce them with a dead bolt. There are two types from which to choose: single-cylinder, which operates by key on the outside of the door and a thumb latch on the inside, and double-cylinder, which is key-operated on both sides. Opt for single-cylinder locks so that, in the event of a fire, family members won't lose valuable seconds fumbling for the right set of keys.
3. Choose a dead bolt that has these characteristics: a bolt (known as the "throw") that extends at least 1 inch when locked, to resist heavy blows; beveled rims on the dead bolt's housing to prevent it from being pulled out with pliers; mounting screws that are 3 inches or longer so the strike plate (the metal plate installed in the door frame that receives the bolt) is anchored securely.
4. Avoid keeping spare keys in an obvious hiding place, such as underneath a doormat or in a flowerpot. Instead, leave a set with a trusted neighbor. If you have no choice but to stash them somewhere on your property, choose an unexpected spot, such as beneath a stone under a bush.
5. Invest in an alarm system that will sound a loud noise or silently alert the alarm company or police if an intruder trips its circuit. Do your homework first, though, comparing systems and making sure the company you sign with is well-established.
Windows
1. Supplement the standard thumb-operated turn latches on windows with a key-operated device (sometimes referred to as a sash lock). Similar to the mechanism that's used on sliding glass doors, it secures the window's top panel to its bottom panel so the unit can't be forced open from the outside.
2. Create a pin lock by drilling an angled hole through the top and bottom frame and inserting a nail or eyebolt. (This homemade alternative to the key-operated sash lock is recommended on second-floor windows because the pins can be removed quickly during a fire.) You may wish to make a second set of pin locks with the window partially open to allow for safe ventilation.
3. Consider safety bars for windows, especially those on the ground floor of homes in urban areas. Since bars on front-facing windows will be visible from the road, choose a material and style that complement the home's architecture -- scrolled cast-iron grates, for instance, are appropriate for a traditional-style brick row house.
Vacation
1. Hire someone to mow the lawn and keep bushes and trees neatly trimmed, or to remove snow, to give the appearance that someone is home.
2. Set timers for at least two interior lights, but be sure to stagger when they turn on and off so the house will look genuinely occupied, and not just programmed to appear so.
3. Suspend newspaper deliveries and mail service (you can do the latter at your post office or at usps.com).
4. Inform close neighbors of your trip so they can alert the police to any suspicious activity. If they're willing, have them park their car in your driveway, too -- anything to make the house look like it's occupied.
5. Join a neighborhood-watch group -- a network of neighbors who meet regularly to discuss crime problems and solutions, and who keep an eye on one another's property. If no group exists in your community, contact local law-enforcement agencies about starting one. (For more information about watch groups, visit usaonwatch.org.)
6. Create an inventory of valuable possessions. Include photographs of the items and, when applicable, identification numbers inscribed by their manufacturer (computers, for instance, all have serial numbers). Of course, you can perform this sort of inventory at any time, but doing so before a long vacation will give you some extra peace of mind throughout your trip.
Here are tips for safeguarding your property and possessions. Print and use this checklist, and your home may be the safest on your block.
Exterior Doors
1. Install strong doors that are either solid wood or metal-clad, rather than hollow-core units, which are designed for interior use and can give way under a powerful shoulder blow or kick.
2. Reinforce glass insets in doors -- and in the windows that often surround a front entry -- with security glazing. This durable plastic, which is applied to the window, prevents trespassers from breaking through the glass and opening the door from the inside.
3. Choose doors with hinges that face indoors. Otherwise, an intruder might be able to pop out the pins and lift the entire door off its frame.
4. Select wide-angle viewers for new doors; one should be positioned at normal height and one at a lower level for children and people in wheelchairs. You can hire a contractor to retrofit these viewers to an existing door.
5. Supplement standard locks on sliding glass doors with key-operated locking devices. These mechanisms secure the bottom of the door to its frame. For good measure, also keep a dowel in the lower track to prevent the door from being forced open. Note: Sliding glass doors that have been fortified must not be designated as fire exits, because the extra security measures could potentially slow fleeing family members.
Lighting
1. Ensure that driveways, pathways, and entry points throughout your property have adequate lighting; avoid overly bright fixtures, however, since they create deep shadows in the yard.
2. Use motion sensors. In addition to lighting the property safely for welcome visitors, they will help scare away potential intruders.
3. Illuminate address numbers so police and emergency crews can quickly find your house. To guarantee maximum visibility, choose numbers that are 4 to 6 inches tall, and mount them in a well-lit and logical place, such as beside the front door.
Locks
1. Secure all doors and windows every time you leave the house, even if you intend to be out for only a few minutes.
2. Never rely solely on the key-operated knobs that come standard on entry doors. Reinforce them with a dead bolt. There are two types from which to choose: single-cylinder, which operates by key on the outside of the door and a thumb latch on the inside, and double-cylinder, which is key-operated on both sides. Opt for single-cylinder locks so that, in the event of a fire, family members won't lose valuable seconds fumbling for the right set of keys.
3. Choose a dead bolt that has these characteristics: a bolt (known as the "throw") that extends at least 1 inch when locked, to resist heavy blows; beveled rims on the dead bolt's housing to prevent it from being pulled out with pliers; mounting screws that are 3 inches or longer so the strike plate (the metal plate installed in the door frame that receives the bolt) is anchored securely.
4. Avoid keeping spare keys in an obvious hiding place, such as underneath a doormat or in a flowerpot. Instead, leave a set with a trusted neighbor. If you have no choice but to stash them somewhere on your property, choose an unexpected spot, such as beneath a stone under a bush.
5. Invest in an alarm system that will sound a loud noise or silently alert the alarm company or police if an intruder trips its circuit. Do your homework first, though, comparing systems and making sure the company you sign with is well-established.
Windows
1. Supplement the standard thumb-operated turn latches on windows with a key-operated device (sometimes referred to as a sash lock). Similar to the mechanism that's used on sliding glass doors, it secures the window's top panel to its bottom panel so the unit can't be forced open from the outside.
2. Create a pin lock by drilling an angled hole through the top and bottom frame and inserting a nail or eyebolt. (This homemade alternative to the key-operated sash lock is recommended on second-floor windows because the pins can be removed quickly during a fire.) You may wish to make a second set of pin locks with the window partially open to allow for safe ventilation.
3. Consider safety bars for windows, especially those on the ground floor of homes in urban areas. Since bars on front-facing windows will be visible from the road, choose a material and style that complement the home's architecture -- scrolled cast-iron grates, for instance, are appropriate for a traditional-style brick row house.
Vacation
1. Hire someone to mow the lawn and keep bushes and trees neatly trimmed, or to remove snow, to give the appearance that someone is home.
2. Set timers for at least two interior lights, but be sure to stagger when they turn on and off so the house will look genuinely occupied, and not just programmed to appear so.
3. Suspend newspaper deliveries and mail service (you can do the latter at your post office or at usps.com).
4. Inform close neighbors of your trip so they can alert the police to any suspicious activity. If they're willing, have them park their car in your driveway, too -- anything to make the house look like it's occupied.
5. Join a neighborhood-watch group -- a network of neighbors who meet regularly to discuss crime problems and solutions, and who keep an eye on one another's property. If no group exists in your community, contact local law-enforcement agencies about starting one. (For more information about watch groups, visit usaonwatch.org.)
6. Create an inventory of valuable possessions. Include photographs of the items and, when applicable, identification numbers inscribed by their manufacturer (computers, for instance, all have serial numbers). Of course, you can perform this sort of inventory at any time, but doing so before a long vacation will give you some extra peace of mind throughout your trip.
Happy Periods
AN OPEN LETTER TO MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE.
- - - -
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years,
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to
realize how crucial it is that maxi-pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will
adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an
inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As
brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings,
crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must
realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri
pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while
in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body
and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed
on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible
during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick
S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in
which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself
in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed
with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of
glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have
to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
"Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to
take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss
your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
- - - -
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years,
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to
realize how crucial it is that maxi-pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will
adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an
inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As
brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings,
crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must
realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri
pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while
in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body
and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed
on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible
during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick
S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in
which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself
in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed
with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of
glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have
to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
"Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to
take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss
your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Sex Frogs
A blonde goes into her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs.
The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions." The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her.
She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions."
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog beside you, and the frog will do what he has been trained to do.
She quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing happens.
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."
So the blonde calls the pet shop.
The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions.
The damn frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and says very sternly:
"Look, I'm only going to show you how to do this just one more time!"
The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions." The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her.
She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions."
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog beside you, and the frog will do what he has been trained to do.
She quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing happens.
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."
So the blonde calls the pet shop.
The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions.
The damn frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and says very sternly:
"Look, I'm only going to show you how to do this just one more time!"
Maxine Wisdom
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida
Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation:
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
+ Use the dirt to raise the levees in New Orleans.
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat.
Any other problems you would like me to solve today?
Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation:
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
+ Use the dirt to raise the levees in New Orleans.
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat.
Any other problems you would like me to solve today?
Changing The Way We Relate
A relationship, in the truest sense of the word, means relating to another. Usually when we say that we relate to someone, it is because we’ve found common ground. But part of relating is finding ways to make ideas that seem different come together. So often when we choose relationships, we try to fit another person into our predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try to make them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve brought. But unless someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into a relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest. Then our relationship becomes with someone we’ve imagined, and anytime our partner steps outside of that imaginary projection, we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is one in which we accept each other as whole individuals, and find a way to share our life experiences together. Then, whenever we want, we can choose as a couple to give the relationship a makeover by renewing the ! way we interact.
By wanting to give another person a makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get a sense of how it would feel if our beloved only committed to us because they thought we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints that our partners offer.
If we feel that a change is needed in our relationship, the only makeover that we truly have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting our partners for exactly who they are—the ideal and the not-so-ideal—we will create an energetic shift in our relationships, and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partners for the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.
By wanting to give another person a makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get a sense of how it would feel if our beloved only committed to us because they thought we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints that our partners offer.
If we feel that a change is needed in our relationship, the only makeover that we truly have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting our partners for exactly who they are—the ideal and the not-so-ideal—we will create an energetic shift in our relationships, and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partners for the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.
Asian Woked Food
12-16 oz. thin sliced round steak (or shrimp or chicken)
1 lg. onion, sliced
2 med. bell peppers (1 green and 1 red, for color)
2 sm. carrots, sliced
2 sm. stalks celery, sliced
1 basket mushrooms, sliced
1 bunch broccoli, cut
1-2 pinches grated ginger root
1 tsp. soy sauce
1 can beef broth
1 lg. can Chinese noodles
Red pepper to taste (optional)
Cooked white rice (optional)
2 tbsp. cornstarch
In a wok, brown beef in corn oil, remove and drain on paper
towel.
In same wok, stir fry onions and peppers until HALF done,
remove and drain. Repeat this on all vegetables, then
combine all ingredients in wok.
Add beef broth, thicken with cornstarch that has been made
into paste with water. Add soy sauce and simmer over low
heat with lid on for 15 minutes. Remove and serve over
Chinese noodles with white rice, if desired. Feeds 4,
really hungry people.
1 lg. onion, sliced
2 med. bell peppers (1 green and 1 red, for color)
2 sm. carrots, sliced
2 sm. stalks celery, sliced
1 basket mushrooms, sliced
1 bunch broccoli, cut
1-2 pinches grated ginger root
1 tsp. soy sauce
1 can beef broth
1 lg. can Chinese noodles
Red pepper to taste (optional)
Cooked white rice (optional)
2 tbsp. cornstarch
In a wok, brown beef in corn oil, remove and drain on paper
towel.
In same wok, stir fry onions and peppers until HALF done,
remove and drain. Repeat this on all vegetables, then
combine all ingredients in wok.
Add beef broth, thicken with cornstarch that has been made
into paste with water. Add soy sauce and simmer over low
heat with lid on for 15 minutes. Remove and serve over
Chinese noodles with white rice, if desired. Feeds 4,
really hungry people.
Crispy Cashew Chicken
2 egg whites
1 1/4 c. finely chopped cashew nuts
2 whole chicken breasts, skinned, boned and thinly sliced
2 c. peanut or vegetable oil
1/4 c. cornstarch
1 tsp. sugar
2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tbsp. dry sherry
In small bowl, combine cornstarch, salt, sugar and sherry.
In separate bowl, beat egg white lightly until just frothy.
Gradually add cornstarch mixture. Stir gently until blended.
Place chopped cashews on plate. Dip chicken slices into egg
mixture, then coat with cashews. Place on waxed paper.
Pour oil into wok, place tempura rack onto wok, making sure
rack is level and hooks rest securely on edge of wok. Heat
oil over medium to medium-high heat until it reaches 375
degrees. Drop 5 or 6 slices of chicken carefully into hot
oil, using a slotted spoon. Fry until golden brown, about 2
to 3 minutes. Remove from oil and place on tempura rack to
drain and keep warm.
Continue frying remaining chicken pieces. Makes about 32
appetizers.
1 1/4 c. finely chopped cashew nuts
2 whole chicken breasts, skinned, boned and thinly sliced
2 c. peanut or vegetable oil
1/4 c. cornstarch
1 tsp. sugar
2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tbsp. dry sherry
In small bowl, combine cornstarch, salt, sugar and sherry.
In separate bowl, beat egg white lightly until just frothy.
Gradually add cornstarch mixture. Stir gently until blended.
Place chopped cashews on plate. Dip chicken slices into egg
mixture, then coat with cashews. Place on waxed paper.
Pour oil into wok, place tempura rack onto wok, making sure
rack is level and hooks rest securely on edge of wok. Heat
oil over medium to medium-high heat until it reaches 375
degrees. Drop 5 or 6 slices of chicken carefully into hot
oil, using a slotted spoon. Fry until golden brown, about 2
to 3 minutes. Remove from oil and place on tempura rack to
drain and keep warm.
Continue frying remaining chicken pieces. Makes about 32
appetizers.
Chicken Tempura Delight
1 egg, beaten
2 tbsp. all-purpose flour
1 tbsp. water
1/2 tsp. salt
2 lb. boneless chicken breasts, cut into 1" pieces
All-purpose flour
1/4 peanut oil
Sweet and Sour Pineapple Sauce
Combine egg, flour, water and salt. Mix well and chill 1
hour. Dip chicken pieces in batter, dredge in flour. Heat
oil in wok to 375 degrees, cook chicken in hot oil until
lightly browned. Drain. Serve with Sweet and Sour Pineapple
Sauce. Yields about 6 dozen appetizers.
2 tbsp. all-purpose flour
1 tbsp. water
1/2 tsp. salt
2 lb. boneless chicken breasts, cut into 1" pieces
All-purpose flour
1/4 peanut oil
Sweet and Sour Pineapple Sauce
Combine egg, flour, water and salt. Mix well and chill 1
hour. Dip chicken pieces in batter, dredge in flour. Heat
oil in wok to 375 degrees, cook chicken in hot oil until
lightly browned. Drain. Serve with Sweet and Sour Pineapple
Sauce. Yields about 6 dozen appetizers.
Chicken Nugget Tempura
2 skinless chicken breasts, boned and cut up in chunks
1 egg, beaten
1/2 c. water
1/2 c. flour
1 tsp. Accent
1/2 tsp. salt
Corn oil
Blend together egg, water, flour, Accent and salt. Dip
chicken into batter. Drop chunks (several at a time) into
1/2 inch of corn oil heated to 370 degrees. Fry until
golden on all sides. Drain and serve.
1 egg, beaten
1/2 c. water
1/2 c. flour
1 tsp. Accent
1/2 tsp. salt
Corn oil
Blend together egg, water, flour, Accent and salt. Dip
chicken into batter. Drop chunks (several at a time) into
1/2 inch of corn oil heated to 370 degrees. Fry until
golden on all sides. Drain and serve.
Sweet & Sour
4 to 6 Oz. Lean Boneless Pork or Chicken or a Dozen Prawns.
Peanut Oil for Deep Frying.
BATTER:
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
SAUCE:
2/3 cup sugar
2 Tbsp. rice vinegar
3 Tbsp. ketchup
3/4 cup water
2 Tbsp. cornstarch
Mix all ingredients in saucepan. Stir over medium heat until
sauce thickens
Dip meat in batter and deep fry until done. Set aside. Dip
in sauce or pour over meat.
Variation: May add pineapple, green peppers, tomatoes and
toasted sesame seeds.
Peanut Oil for Deep Frying.
BATTER:
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
SAUCE:
2/3 cup sugar
2 Tbsp. rice vinegar
3 Tbsp. ketchup
3/4 cup water
2 Tbsp. cornstarch
Mix all ingredients in saucepan. Stir over medium heat until
sauce thickens
Dip meat in batter and deep fry until done. Set aside. Dip
in sauce or pour over meat.
Variation: May add pineapple, green peppers, tomatoes and
toasted sesame seeds.
Peking Deep Fried Chicken
3 tbsp. soy sauce
1 tbsp. pale dry sherry
1 tsp. peppercorns
1/4 c. chopped scallions
1 1/2 lbs. boneless chicken, cut in 1" pieces
1 egg, beaten
5 tbsp. cornstarch
2 tbsp. all purpose flour
Oil for deep frying
3 tsp. salt
Mix together the soy sauce, sherry, pepper, salt and spring
onions (shallots or scallions). Add the chicken and leave
for 15 minutes. Beat together the eggs, cornstarch and
flour to make a smooth batter. Dip chicken pieces into the
batter to coat well. Heat the oil to 180 C. or 350 degrees
F. Deep fry the chicken pieces a few at a time until crisp
and golden brown. Serve warm.
HOT SAUCE WITH WINE & ALMONDS:
4 sm. cans College Inn Chicken Broth
1/2 c. cooking wine
6 tbsp. flour
1 c. blanched almonds
2 tbsp. butter
Corn or peanut oil
MSG (Accent) (opt.)
Heat oil in small pot until very hot. Add almonds, stir
until slightly brown; set aside. In another pan melt
butter. Add flour then add chicken broth. Stir constantly
over a medium high heat until thick. May add more flour if
needed. Add cooking wine. Add MSG, continue stirring 4 or 5
minutes. Pour over chicken pieces, strain. Add almonds and
pour over chicken.
1 tbsp. pale dry sherry
1 tsp. peppercorns
1/4 c. chopped scallions
1 1/2 lbs. boneless chicken, cut in 1" pieces
1 egg, beaten
5 tbsp. cornstarch
2 tbsp. all purpose flour
Oil for deep frying
3 tsp. salt
Mix together the soy sauce, sherry, pepper, salt and spring
onions (shallots or scallions). Add the chicken and leave
for 15 minutes. Beat together the eggs, cornstarch and
flour to make a smooth batter. Dip chicken pieces into the
batter to coat well. Heat the oil to 180 C. or 350 degrees
F. Deep fry the chicken pieces a few at a time until crisp
and golden brown. Serve warm.
HOT SAUCE WITH WINE & ALMONDS:
4 sm. cans College Inn Chicken Broth
1/2 c. cooking wine
6 tbsp. flour
1 c. blanched almonds
2 tbsp. butter
Corn or peanut oil
MSG (Accent) (opt.)
Heat oil in small pot until very hot. Add almonds, stir
until slightly brown; set aside. In another pan melt
butter. Add flour then add chicken broth. Stir constantly
over a medium high heat until thick. May add more flour if
needed. Add cooking wine. Add MSG, continue stirring 4 or 5
minutes. Pour over chicken pieces, strain. Add almonds and
pour over chicken.
Finding your deity family
Prepare yourself for a visualisation, either tape or memorise the main essence of the path that follows. Set your space as you want it, use objects, sacred space, relaxation, etc.
When you are ready, in your mind form your door to the inner world
Go through it, and find yourself on a woodland path.
Walk along the path, noticing as much as you can along the way.
The path enters a clearing. Gather some wood and in the centre of the clearing build and light afire.
Sit by the fire. The sun is just beginning to set. Stand and say, clearly and loudly, I (state your name) call upon the gods and goddesses of my family. "I call them to this place, and welcome them to sit and talk with me around this fire I have built for them. Come in peace and brotherhood"
They will slowly start arriving, walking out of the woods, and introducing themselves by name as they take their places around the fire.
Talk with them for as long as you like. When you free it is time to go, stand and say loudly and clearly, "I (state your name) thank you all for coming here, for the knowledge you have shared with me, for your companionship around my fire. But now I must leave you all to go your own way, for I must go mine. Merry meet, merry part, merry meet again."
They respond with a hearty "Blessed Be"
You turn away, and move toward the path by which you came. The sun is beginning to rise, and you can easily .find your way back along the path, to the door by which you entered.
Return to the conscious world and write a report on your discoveries.
When you are ready, in your mind form your door to the inner world
Go through it, and find yourself on a woodland path.
Walk along the path, noticing as much as you can along the way.
The path enters a clearing. Gather some wood and in the centre of the clearing build and light afire.
Sit by the fire. The sun is just beginning to set. Stand and say, clearly and loudly, I (state your name) call upon the gods and goddesses of my family. "I call them to this place, and welcome them to sit and talk with me around this fire I have built for them. Come in peace and brotherhood"
They will slowly start arriving, walking out of the woods, and introducing themselves by name as they take their places around the fire.
Talk with them for as long as you like. When you free it is time to go, stand and say loudly and clearly, "I (state your name) thank you all for coming here, for the knowledge you have shared with me, for your companionship around my fire. But now I must leave you all to go your own way, for I must go mine. Merry meet, merry part, merry meet again."
They respond with a hearty "Blessed Be"
You turn away, and move toward the path by which you came. The sun is beginning to rise, and you can easily .find your way back along the path, to the door by which you entered.
Return to the conscious world and write a report on your discoveries.
The Taxi
**My aunt sent me this in an email & I had to share**
So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'
We drove in silence to the address she had given me.It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said
'You have to make a living,' she answered.
'There are other passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.
You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send this to ten people. But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well
dance.
So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'
We drove in silence to the address she had given me.It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said
'You have to make a living,' she answered.
'There are other passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.
You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send this to ten people. But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well
dance.
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