I am a girl

In my dreams I've always been taller, skinnier, sexier - with short bright red hair, but that is not the image in my mirror no matter how much I wish it to be. The image in my mirror is short (just under 5 feet) and round, but I did have the short red hair for awhile. 

I didn't let my size stop me from being a force to be reckoned with. I've been an ass kicker my whole life - taking down the unjust as I see fit, with a sharp wit and biting sarcasm. Making up for my short round stature with an incredibly quick mind. Comments, phrases, random bits get sucked into the Rolodex in my mind and I can quote facts & figures until your head spins, or mine does. 

I've always been a fighter - going after those bigger & tougher than myself. 
I stood up for my gender - stood up proud and aloof - waiting for a man to say the wrong thing so that I could cut him down to size, often times using his owns words & actions to do it. I honestly thought that most men (my dearest Daddy the most wonderful exception but there were others) were just out to "get me" so I got into a get them first mind set and I was a hardcore feminist. 

  • I can open my own door (both car & store) thank you very much, 
  • I can pay for my food, 
  • I can change my own flat,
  • I can do it all myself (yes even give myself an great big old O0
  • I don't need no help from "a man".
  • I despised pink, and frills, and dresses, and girly girls; that was so not me.

Then I met my BF Bunny (or rather remet him cause I knew him 20 years ago too) and all of that changed. Now I'm not saying fuck feminism, that's not my point. I would instead say I can be a girly girl with tons of femininity and still be a feminist. 

I rather like being a woman who owns her femininity while 
being with a man who owns his masculinity. 

I have grown to love chivalry and manners. I love cooking for my manly man and having him devour the food that I make. I have learned to love flowers for no reason. I have worn long flowing sun dresses and short teasing skirts and blue jeans with sneakers because he adores them so. I have grown accustomed to my hand being held and doors being opened and chairs being pulled out.  I love feeling protected by his big strong arms, my very own Knight Gallant, with his courtesy, manners & old fashioned ideals. I have discovered that taking care of my man and allowing him the privilege of taking care of me does not diminish who I am. In fact it adds to the total package. 

I think it's funny that he must wait on me while I finish getting ready because I am his princess, his baby girl, his doll, and that means he must wait while I fuss with my hair and spray my perfume and put on one more coat of mascara and perhaps change clothes yet again. I like the feeling that I get when I see the look in his eyes that says I am irresistible to him, his very own personal Goddess. 
I have found that my man coming in smelling of sweat and sawdust is an aphrodisiac to me. Even though I tease him and tell him he needs to shower before coming to bed, and when he does he smells of good clean soap - not body sprays or mists or lotions or potions. I have found that wearing sexy undies makes me feel girly and pretty and I love the way his calloused hands feel when they take them off. 

I love the fact that I can cuss like a sailor and it amuses him to no end. I love that I can be naked with him and not feel vulnerable. I love that I can beg for a spanking and often times get it, not because he wants to hurt me but because he knows that makes me swoon. 

I love the fact that he totally supports me and I don't mean financially. He understands that this week I want to loose weight and next week I'll crave chocolate. He gets that there are things that I can do for myself even when his manhood is telling him he should do it. I adore the fact that I can outshoot him and he only smiles because he knows that I can take care of myself when he isn't there, but he doesn't plan to go any where. 

I have found in my love a man that understands my need to go and do and see and explore OR stay home and cuddle and watch movies in bed OR attend a giant family/friend event full of people he doesn't know OR spread my crafting goodies over every surface to get busy with my scrapbooking stuffs. 

A man that compliments my body (the bulges and dimples included) while understanding that I would like to be better. A man that tells me my nose is cute, and my eyes are beautiful, and my hair is perfect (even when it is in pigtails), and my ass is glorious, because he desires all of me.

And slowly but surely I'm starting to like pink.

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