Birthdays Suck!

Early this year, I was watching my nephew, who was turning 10, nearing his birthday and it wasn't about a party or fun or even excitement. You see, he was upset and cranky because while he wanted a party and to be witnessed and all of that fun stuff, he wasn't going to get it. His birthday went practically unnoticed. Yeah we went out to dinner, but he didn't even seem that excited about that.

Then my Bunny's birthday rolled around and I couldn't get anyone in my family to take the freaking time out to even discuss going to dinner.  And when they did FINALLY come out of their electronic shells, we ended up at a crappy restaurant with really crappy service because someone else thought it was a wonderful place to eat. After dinner, everyone else went out for ice cream and didn't even bother to invite the 2 of us to join them. Yeah, wonderful celebration.

And now for my own saga. I take the week of my birthday off every year, I have for the past 15 years. As long as I've worked for my current job. Well this year, my oh so loving family is going on vacation without me. Well that was the plan anyway. I was all excited about getting my week off for another year, and before I could even share the good news, my mom tells me that her & my dad are going to the beach for the week of August 20th to the 28th and could I please watch the dog. Oh and my sister's family would be joining them after they got off work on the 26th for the weekend. When I asked to have the dates clarified to make certain I wasn't hearing her wrong, I got a what's the big deal. I don't see what the problem is.

Fuck My Life, it sucks.

Stupidity - Plain and Simple

Not the type of post I usually do - nor is this really the type of post I want to do however I'm extremely irritated at the moment and if I don't get it out of my system now I'm probably going to strangle my boyfriend. Last year he got a motorcycle and well I know he's all excited about riding and everything else he's just being absolutely beyond tweedledom by wanting to join a motorcycle club. I told him that I didn't care as long as it didn't interfere with our plans and what do you know the very first meeting that he chooses to attend to he's going to fuck up our plans for Friday the 13th and leave me basically stranded while he goes and hangs out with a bunch of fucking morons.

And to add insult to injury he can't even remember what freaking motorcycle club he's joining. 

Yay stupidity!

Yeah seems like Friday the 13th is gonna suck ass. I'm pissed.

Life Sucks

I'm laying here on a Saturday afternoon, still in my jammies - watching Criminal Minds and I realize that life fucking sucks. Not today but most days. Okay not most days but some days.

Let me explain what I mean. It's not the big things that get you down and keep you there. It's the little piddle ass bullshit that get into the ridges & groves of your life and start slowly grinding your gears.

I propose that we stop bitching about those little pieces of shit & take a cue from oyster/clams. Wrap them in a layer of spit and eventually it will be a pearl.

Rip Off Artists

Okay - maybe I'm a little naive, but what the heck is going on - I realize that every one out in internet land is trying to make money - I understand this & I even applaud it. But buying a magic spell to make you rich? No joke - I found too many to list, but here are a few examples:

Money Spells - Isis Spells
The Isis Money spell is the right choice for easy cases with no obstacles. No matter if you want to banish debt, resolve financial problems or want to live the lifestyle you have always dreamt of. Isis Spells cover it all. You can order the Isis Spell only if you have never used any kind of spells... whether they produced results or no results. The fee for an Isis Money Spell and Talisman is a one time fee of $200 and includes all materials gathered for your spell and the Talisman.

"Rags to Riches" -- If your financial statues is very bad, this spell will help greatly. People have reported lottery winnings, inheritances, and raises in pay almost immediately! This spell works best if you make under $45,000 a year (but is still effective if you make more). Guaranteed to work or your money back! March only $24.95

Fortune from Flames - This spell is very intense and is a bit difficult for our spell casters but works wonders. As long as you are not super wealthy to begin with, this spell will bring fortune into your life. This particular spell can take several months to work but when it does, you will be shocked at how "extreme" it is. Guaranteed to work or your money back! $79.90

and my favorite

Extreme Money Spell Cast By Wiccan High Priestess
Powerful Old World Gypsy Poshes Wealth Spell Cast on ebay for $149.99

And for what - so someone else can collect your hard earned money and get rich. Do you think it would work? Do you think they are casting spells to make everyone else get rich?

Maybe I'm prejudiced, but come on - if you're going to invest your money in a spell, shouldn't you be willing to invest your time and energy into the same spell?

And hey - if anyone out there reading this and you just happen to have $25, $50, $200 to throw away - I can recommend a number of projects that always need help

The NC Zoo - Otters Rule

Homeless Shelters for Children

Safe Horizon

Hospice Programs

Breast Cancer Research

One of life's many rewards is to help someone else - and if you believe - What ever you send out comes back to you ten fold.

Frustration

Look, I'm sorry you are a moron, a dick, a tweedle, a stinky slithery slytherian. I just honestly wish you would quit calling me. No I don't want to stay on the phone while you hack out a lung, jack off, or try to figure out what you are saying. 

When you pick up the phone to make a call, the very 1st thing you should do: Check the time. If it is 3am trust me ain't no doctor's office, real estate company, or really most other companies gonna be open so you can get your birth controlled refilled, schedule an appointment, yell at someone because the heater that got fixed 10 years ago just broke and while I am answering the phones, trust me I don't care. 

2nd thing: Make sure you empty your mouth. What that means is no food or beverage should be entering your hole while you are waiting for the phone to be answered or at any other time during the call. 

3rd: Make sure you know why you are calling. Some of the questions I ask; is this an emergency, do you need to speak with a technician tonight or can this wait for the office to open, what is your address, may I have your phone number, what is your child's date of birth & hell I might even go wild and ask for the patient's name. Get this shit together BEFORE you place your call.

4th: If it is a bad connection or you know you are calling from a crappy phone - don't get pissy when I ask for your name for the third freaking time. Trust me, I want off this phone just as much as you do.

5th: LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN! 

Failure!!

So I’ve been trying to get myself on a schedule & I keep failing miserably. I can’t get anything done nor can I see to stop myself from doing all the things that I know are bad for me. Smoking, skipping exercise, forgetting to pack a lunch, over eating, eating junk carbs, staying up too late, sleeping too late. You name it, I’m doing it.

I’m trying to get myself together, wish me luck!

Ranting Like Elijah

I just read a “rant” by Elijah Wood entitled The Black List: Ten Things That Irritate Elijah Wood and it got me to thinking.

1st and foremost – Bravo – I love the wit and humor that went into this piece. Particularly rant 11 (Oh and complaining) especially after reading the previous 10 complaints from the writer himself. Classic and WONDERFUL!!!

2nd – I agree with MOST of his “rants”.

1. Remakes and reboots – yep I agree (even if his biggest movie fame was a reboot)
   
2. Doing the bare minimum of one’s job description – I agree
   
3. Anti-smoking laws that now extend to outdoor spaces – well I was a smoker so I get where he’s coming from but my mom is almost deathly allergic to cigarette/cigar smoke (most pipe tobaccos do not disturb her) so I can also see the need to clear the areas around non-smokers
   
4. Truncated texting – I use some – I despise some – it just depends
   
5. Orcs – this was classic & I loved it
   
6. (Most) clubs aka overstyled douche cantinas (major chuckle points) – I agree – I don’t get dressing up, standing in line, standing by the bar, standing by the dance floor, drinking over priced watered down drinks – very very occasionally I get the need/desire to go out and I do, but it is very seldom.
   
7. When people aren’t held accountable for their actions – Oh so very true
   
8. Relationship statuses on Facebook – I disagree – if you don’t want to know don’t look/hide/block what ever – but personally I enjoy “celebrating” a change with my friends, personally I couldn’t wait to go from separated to divorced but that’s just me. I post tons of stuff. LOL.
   
9. My printer – no clue but if you say so
   
10. Clutter – too true too true

3rd it got me to thinking – what would be on own version of the BlackList

1. mumble I’m sorry sir what was that? mumble I’m sorry sir I still did not understand that – Mumbling is the abso worst worst worst thing that I can think of. I answer phones for a living and let me tell you a few pieces of good phone etiquette: have a pen (or pencil) & paper handy, swallow whatever is in your mouth, cough to clear your throat, LISTEN as the phone is being answered and then – speak.
   
2. Running out of medication - Just because you were a tweedle and let your prescription run out does not mean that the doctor should jump out of his nice comfy bed and call in a refill right that moment. I personally feel that a person should be able to look at his/her medicine bottle and figure out that they need a refill but in the event that you run out try calling the pharmacy you get your meds from and check to see if they can issue enough to last until the office reopens. Here’s a hint – ask nicely.
   
3. Assuming that your emergency should result in my panic. Really? Yawn. I don’t rightfully care what you did/did not do. It is not something that I want to assist you with – enough said.
   
4. Repeating myself - it has come to my attention recently that I despise repeating myself in any way shape or form BUT most of all when I have just said can I have your attention please and the recipient still gives me a blank stare. If you ask me a question – for your sake – listen to the answer.
   
5. WiFi that never connects – I can sit there with my laptop, my iPod or my phone and the network is there, could be used, password is correct & NOTHING. Really? What’s that all about?
   
6. Smelly holding tanks – my Lamp needs a tank tune up & disinfectant.
   
7. Phony family – whether by blood or choice – family should be there for each other. Enough said.
   
8. Civility – if you want to speak with me & you want me to remain civil to you – then choose your words carefully because I will hand you back EXACTLY what I get.
   
9. Laziness – I have major issues with peeps just thinking that they can do nothing & get paid. If you are at work – work. Plain and simple. Do the job you are collecting a pay check for, if your job duties change because your job title changes – cope with it.
   
10. Trolls – not the cute little troll doll types, but trolls of the human kind that are just simply hideous to look at – let alone interact with or the trolls in chat rooms/text messages A/S/L just makes me cringe
    

Dear Next Evil Ex

I don't think you realize how much you hurt me with your pointless stupidity. Your border line Tourette's Syndrome with inappropiate remarks and slurs is showing your true level of education. As for education get real - he's still a preschooler and is expected to have temper tantrums that's what they do. And on that note the damn dog is loosing his eye sight quit snatching at him & maybe he'll quit biting.

I think I've figured out why you are having trouble getting paid for your work - finish a freaking project. You're not working right now - quit farting around & get busy. You wanna be self employeed but you have the worse work ethitic I've ever seen.

Randomly groping my boobs in public is not okay yet no how many times I try to explain it to you I get oops I forgot. Biting and scratching are fine if we are actively playing but just randomly biting my toes is not a good thing and for Goddess sake trim your freaking nails - those rough edges you are so proud of hurt - I'm tired of unexplained scratches in weird places. And while I'm discussing your fingers - how bout you use them once in awhile - HELLO sex isn't all about you & I'm tired of feeling unsatisfied.

You've got til the end of the month to straighten out or I'm trading you in on a newer model.

Blarg!!!

Okay so here is a story for you and seriously I would freaking LOVE your opinions if you have any.

So friends of mine decided to FINALLY (and I do mean finally) get married after 10+ years and so their respective families decide to celebrate by throwing them a little hey congrats reception. So no big surprise ya know.

Well everyone gathers and is all happy happy joy joy and my BF (who is extremely camera phobiac) asks one of the fellow attendees to not take his picture. Now, normally I would give benefit to doubt that he asked nicely cause BF can be a bit caustic when he so desires & the person he asked is more MaryKay than Regular Joe BUT I overheard BF's request and it was semi polite. "Hey look I don't like having my picture taken. Could you please make sure that I'm not in the shot when you snap it. Thank You." And then he walked off. To which the DA immediately said "Fucking Asshole" - really?

Dear You,

I'd rather be a bitch than a hoe.
I'd rather tell it like it is than blow every guy I know.
I'd rather be known for what I do, not who I screw.
Wish I could say the same thing about you.
Stupid hoe, call me what you please.
I'm not the skank; ALWAYS ON MY KNEES.

Dear You,

I tried to be nice - I really truely did. But you went skating down a slippery slope and ended up hurting me. So you know what? I'm done being nice - you are a joke, really you are. No one actually wants to talk to you. You think that you are all smooth and sauve - lol - you make me laugh, because behind your back they all say the same thing. What a looser.

Just thought it was time for the truth,
Me

Dear You,

Should have realized that you were just a putz from day one - a user & a looser, yeah just a fat bum. We gave you the OPPORTUNITY to join the family again. You rejected it. But later, you said you might want to, but you don’t want anyone to know. That’s just not acceptable. We have tried to have a great relationship with you from the beginning, but there was never any real emotional attachment from you. You "tolerate" us but have no real connection. And you know that's sad.

Just because you were unwanted & unloved when you were younger doesn't mean that you'll never be worthy of love - but keep up the negative actions and well as they say out of the mouths of babes - so take heart - that precious little one says constantly go away. I'll make you "GO AWAY"

Me & Little One

Dear You,

I've been meaning to say this for a long while, once upon a time you were my companion, my champion, my friend and then suddenly you were gone - LOST chasing your tale or rather their tail. I still stop and wonder at your desire, no your very need to get lost - lost in drugs, lost in drink, lost in sex, lost in lies, just lost. I wonder if you are still lost or if you ever found your way. Did you stop and ask for directions (I for one would have been happy to tell you how to get to Hell)?

I wonder if your life is simpler now - now that no one cares about you, now that no one remembers your name.

Long Gone,
Me

Really????

I just can’t believe the audacity of some people – you know what I’m going through – you know that I haven’t slept in a fucking week because I’ve been working a full time job & taking care of GP, GM, Mom & WTFever else happens and you send me a message because your jacked up psycho step son went dumpster diving. Can’t say it surprises me – doesn’t surprise me that he did it & it sure the fuck doesn’t surprise me that it took you over 3 months to discover his porn addiction. Oh yeah – you deserve the mother of the year award. You move that strung out fucking brat into your house because it’s “best for him” because his mother wants to run off and play whore of the world & I won’t be surprised when I get a phone call in the middle of the night from the police saying your throat has been slit.

And what else could go wrong?

For those of you who are "in the know" about what is going on in my life, skip this post unless you want a rehash. In the course of this year everything has just fallen apart, now I could be fatalistic/judgmental and raise my fist up to Mercury and curse his path - but he is only part of the problem.

Okay - 1st DH lost his job, it was through his own stupidity I will admit that. He should have paid attention to what was going on & he didn't. So he filed for unemployment and he got it. And he hasn't done a thing since then, expect try to figure out exactly how stupid he could be in one month - video games & booze. That's all he wanted to do.

And that leads into the 2nd point, his drinking. He went way overboard and showed his ass one too many times so I walked out. Packed my car with some clothes & my chichi puppy and left. Last time it was a $200 bar tab that he swears he only had a beer or two. So I focused on my job, right.

Point 3 - here we come - my company is being massively screwy right now. From changing us over to an insurance company that no doctor is town takes (seriously I took all the papers to my doctors office - he's supposedly on the list - the office submitted all the proper forms and what not & yep - still not taking that insurance how nice) & if that's not all - dealing with all the issues about computers & schedules & calls & inconsiderate coworkers - my blood pressure went into the sky sky sky around the fourth of july-ly-ly. Ohhh, betraying my age there. LOL. (Side note - on the fourth I had a Aunt that basically just dropped to the ground and started twitching, it was over 2 weeks before the doctor's said ahhhh - she has a chemical imbalance.)

Number 4 - coworkers who don't know their heads from their behinds - Do not sit on your throne and expect me to kiss your fat behind cause you the "Team Leader". I will continue doing what I do best - what is that you may wonder - showing your ass up. I can do everything better than you, seriously I can. Test me. Try working once in awhile & maybe just maybe you'll see what I am talking about. But then that would require you to do something other than complain right? Too much effort. See here's how I see it - I am taking an active role in our company's transition. So if I wanna say (after months of dealing with crazy emails & whacked out instructions that don't tell you how to do something) this is sooooo crazy. I have earned that right. I am in the trenches getting my hands dirty and handling every issue that comes up.

And you guessed right - next issue, it's 5 and it's alive - it's 2 words / COMPANY TRANSITION / really people its not rocket science. We sit at computers all dang day and talk on the phone. No matter what else happens. Just follow the pretty little screen - it took me a month to figure out what to do with all those boxes and numbers and what nots. We can't stay where we were and this is what we were giving to work with. Next.

And then, on top of everything else number 6 one little 6-letter word that has struck fear, anger, and tears into the hearts of my family. Cancer. Yep - I typed that right - my mom was diagnosed with Colon Cancer and from what we know right now - it is probably too far to be treatable. Or at least that's what she told me yesterday. I still say I wanna wait for the Dr's full report before I fall apart, but it's not easy holding on any more. Now I would not hestitate to say that a lot of our fear is most likely the result of a lack of knowledge.

You know I really hate putting time & energy into a thoughtful post - just to have it ignored

Hope your valentine was good

Hmmm, I wonder which is better.

-My Mom gave me a beautiful card with chocolate,coffee, a hug & kiss.
-My Husband bought the purse I wanted, a cute little rain gauge, added a hug, some kiss, and a homemade breakfast.
-My Puppy got me a little stuffed animal that says I wuff you.
-My Nephew gave me a pretty card, a kiss, & a cupcake.
-My Dad sent me Beautiful flowers and called to tell me I was his girl.

What did you get? Hmmmm, nothing - did you get a phone call, from your dad, your mom, your husband, your lover, your "buddy", your baby daddy, your sister, your kid? No, how nice.

Yet you sit there and smirk at me - trying to make me feel inferior because my life is good. You tell me that you don't need to be loved or cuddled or "looked after" yet jump in the sack with any one with money. Please child - I've never been that desperate.

And trust me - it's not because you are hotter than me (as if) or skinnier then me
(that is at least true) - it's because you fall on your back and spread your legs for any dick (and some janes) that cross your path.

I'm more interested in forging life long commitments to friendship & love, not a life long commitment to Valtrex or worse.

Have a great day.