My 30 Answers

Saw an article link "30 Questions to Ask Before You Die" on Facebook & went to check it out. I must say that while I do ask myself questions all the time, some of these questions are not ones I usually ask.

1. How much have you loved?
Love is such a funny thing, really it is. You can love someone so much and then get hurt by them (mother, father, sibling, children, friends, lovers) and then block yourself off from future love. But I feel that I have loved more than my fair share. I love the plants in the yard, the clouds in the sky, the rain on my face, the lover in my bed, the friend on the phone, the parents who raised me right, the sister who challenges me, the critters that let me live in their house (I have a cat & a dog :) ) I love music and books and movies and dancing and cruise ships (oh how I love cruise ships). So you ask how much have I loved, I have loved my lifetime & will continue to love until my time is up, and then who knows, I may just come back as a ghost & love some more.
2. What do you love doing that you aren’t doing? Furthermore, how could you get paid for doing what you love?
Oh wow - interesting question. I love to cook, to bake, to create interesting edible creations, to scrap, to play, to relax, to unwind, to play on the computer, to spend time with my BF Bunny. But I don't want any of these things as a career, because then I would have to do them, and that would diminish the fun. Trust me I know this. Got paid to bake a cake - it felt like I was pulling teeth, paid to fix Bentos for a kid I know - totally fizzled, paid to scrap - I couldn't create anything. Ok, maybe if I could just sit around & do nothing and make a living I would, but I doubt even that. I take care of my 104 Grandmother occasionally. And while she does need the help - it is a lot of hours just spent twiddling your thumbs and let me tell you that was a hellaciously BORING time. Now maybe if I could travel the world & write about my travels, then that would be fun.
3. What person or type of person would you choose as a life companion? A witness to your life?
The person I would pick is currently my BF Bunny. He complements me so very very well. I'm all light & airy like a fairy, but he is my rock, my soft place to land.
4. Where do you want to live? Are you happy with your life where you are? Could you be happier somewhere else?
I don't think I would want to live any where else AT THIS TIME. I adore my little lamp, with its quirks & issues. I would choose to fix it up a little bit, with some pain & new carpet. New couch or chairs. Unfortunately I haven't figured out how to do that yet. Oh, did I mention I live in a travel trailer? I love the quirky little patio and the little flower garden. It suits me to a T.
5. What do you want to accomplish? And most importantly, why — what’s your motivation?
I want to be happy, because happiness is the only way to be.
6. What do you want to be remembered by?
I want to be remembered for spreading happiness around like fairy dust, for being over the top wild and crazy. Kinda like Auntie Mame.
7. What kind of life would make you jealous? And why?
I don't really see the need to be jealous. Everyone has their own problems, it's just they are not usually public knowledge. And when they do become public knowledge that can lead to all kinds of problems.
8. What adventures do you want to have? Can you list five?
1. Alaskan tour
2. Backpacking through Europe
3. Australian outback safari
4. Speaking of safari - An African Adventure Safari
5. A Luxury 2 week+ vacation to all of the historical places in NE USA, staying at top of the line hotels (I especially want to go to Salem)
9. If you had to add something to humanity, what would your contribution be?
I would like to add imagination
10. What are your ghosts? Your unspoken demons? The stuff you keep in your closet under a lock? What are you most deeply afraid of?
I don't fear the usual things, bugs, spiders, snakes, clowns, etc I am afraid of being alone, yet terrified of being crowded. I am afraid of being unhealthy, yet too in love with all the "bad" food to make changes. I am afraid I look like an idiot, but refuse to look in the mirror. Then only real fear that I have is loosing my parents, because I'm afraid when they are gone my family will fall apart.
11. What are your favorite memories? Can you picture four or five instances in your childhood you are fond of? Do you see a river running through them? What’s that river, that common denominator, the deepest statement about you and life that lies at the core of them?
1. Wrestling with my dad & Jack (our dog) biting him on the butt
2. Being in the top bunk of the small camper & my sister waking me up trying to take a picture of the guy at the pumps
3. Halloween hijenks but my favorite is the one where Virginia scared the crap out of the "Jasons" and they refused to scare anyone else
4. Swimming across the lake in Kentucky with my dad at my side
5. My Papa calling down to say that he had made snow cream
Evidently my core is family, but I already new that. And challenges.
12. How can you live from that same belief now? How can you transform your current experiences so they begin with that same idea – that fueled your most cherished childhood memories?
I do live from this belief. I live on the same property where I have lived most of my life. I still have family dinners & gatherings, just not as many.
13. Who do you love the most? What 10 people would you put on a lifeboat in case of a universal tsunami / asteroid / zombie attack or any other realistic end of the world? Make a list.
(I am making this list assuming that critters are not supposed to go on this list cause it says PEOPLE.)
1. My Mother and I tell her everyday
2. My Dad and trust me he knows
3. My Bunny because he is my world
4. Neffie!
5. Shining Star
6. Teen Girl
7. Sissy Pants
8. BIL
9. Johnny Depp (can not let that man's brilliance fade)
10. I'm holding this spot in reserve
14. What worries you the most? Why?
The only thing I really fear are losing the people close to me, because I don't want to be alone. If I lose a parent (either one) I am afraid I will lose them both. And with them gone, my connection to my larger family will fade.
15. So what are you worried about? List even the most trivial worries, they’re a projection of a deeper fear. And if any of these worries came true, do you think you could survive? And if the answer is No, then all the more reason to enjoy the world before it ends (and not worry about dead or dying ends).
Trivial fears that I have would include the norms:
• Job loss - I would survive
• Bill paying - I would survive
• Loss of health - I would survive
• Not having kids - I would survive
16. What type of people inspire you and make you come alive? What people — at this point in your life — add to the truest equation of YOU?
The ones that accept the difference in people, that make the magic of life come to life. I search everyday for unicorns & fairies. Because I know they exist, I just have to believe hard enough. My bestie encourages me more than she will ever know.
17. What type of people bring you down and make you hate yourself?
Everyone. From strangers on the street commenting on my weight, to Facebook dweebs downing my artistic tries, to family saying I'm not good enough, want some examples. My mother criticizes everything about me,
• The way I stand
• The clothes I where
• The makeup I wear
• My boyfriend
• My magic lamp
• My smoking & drinking (this could be considered a good thing)
• My sleeping habits (but she is the one who keeps me up all the time)
• My language
• My job
18. Who are your mentors? What have they taught you? Can you make a list? If you know them personally, thank them?
I had books when I was younger, my mother when I decided to be grown up around the house, my dad taught me the value of hard work.
19. What is your cosmic elevator pitch? Not your job description, not your professional bio, not your resume, not your About page. But if you got in an elevator on a spaceship that tours the galaxy and you could say anything you wanted about yourself, what would you tell your elevator mates?
I am a freaky little witchy wild child chasing fairies and living my life!
20. In short, who are you – raw, unedited, wild, ordinary and extraordinary you? What does it come down to? And why? (Always, that goddamn solid why).
I am magic, plain & simple. When I believe in myself anyway.
21. What issues can you help with?
I am a wonderful listener, stellar researcher, gifted list maker, and a magical being. Any and all of these traits are handy.
22. How can you express yourself creatively?
I have scrapbooked for years but here recently I've moved to art journalling & smashing.
23. How do you manage your time? What works for you? If you’re a mess, how can you get it together? Here are some creative tips on productivity. Can you make a schedule, write down your routine (to help you stick to it), come up with a productivity manifesto of some sort?
I need to get a schedule & stick to it. I'm a little too free with all my time. From running errands, to chatting on the phone, to playing with Lucas or the critters when I should be sleeping. This makes me grouchy. How to pull it together - learn to say not now & mean it.
24. If you were to leave the world today, what’s your manifesto?
To have always lived the life that makes me happy as long as I do no harm.
25. What makes you come alive? What ignites you? What makes you forget time, and space, and love, and food and water and even why – if taken to extreme?
Reading. I love to read. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter what. If there are words to be seen I read them. I love to be immersed in new adventures constantly.
26. What are your most painful memories? Are you still replaying them in your mind and using them as an excuse to fuel your fear of getting hurt again? Do you think they might be keeping you from trusting your heart again?
I am constantly reliving old painful memories. I am bipolar and unfortunately it is entirely too easy for me to get into a negative loop. It starts with one small trigger (not the same thing every time) and it explodes from there. My mind gets trapped in the loop of hell. I can sometimes pull myself out by focusing on good times, but when an actual trigger hits, there is no stopping the roller coaster of doom.
27. Why do you eat the way you eat and the things you eat? What do you think you should you eat that you’re not eating – and why? What can you put in your body that gives you pleasure and also respects and nourish it?
28. 
    I know that my eating habits are atrocious. My brain chemistry is fragile and instead of staying away from the sugary starchy bombs, but I just can't stop eating them. It's comfort food from my childhood for the most part that will destroy any and every healthy eating plan I establish. I am going to try (AGAIN) to resume eating healthier, wish me luck.
    
    
29. What ignites your brain? What turns your light bulb on? Can you add more of that to your everyday? Get smarter? Train your brain? Evolve?
I am actually working on this now. I take time out to create SOMETHING every day. Some days it is a meal, other days a scrapbook page, here lately a pencil water colors are my passions. I've begun working with them almost daily.
30. What physical exercise makes you sweat it like you mean it and enjoy both, the process and the afterward feeling? If you’re not currently practicing it, can you read more about it, surround yourself with people who practice it, sign up for a class, do whatever will motivate you to practice it?
Oh this is an easy question. Dancing fuels my body like nothing else does. But it is not for public display. Hell I don't even like dancing in front of my boyfriend.
31. What does your body need in order to function at its best? Can you make a list of what makes you feel healthiest and function optimally and try to practice it every day?
Realistically I need to incorporate more water, movement, healthy foods, love, sleep, dance, playing with Lucas, and family time.
32. What feeds your spirit? What gives you goosebumps? What makes you fall down to your knees in awe (and weep)? Is it god? Religion? The universe? Science? Starry nights? Philosophy? Nature? Music? Art?
Magic, plain & simple. The magic of nature, the magic of love, watching my mom & dad together.
33. What are you proud of so far? What have you accomplished?
I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I'm not talented, not healthy, not happy. I've read a bunch of books, there that is a happy thought.
34. Fast-forward to your epitaph. What does it say?
She read & had a many adventures
35. What is the meaning of life?
To be happy